How to Practice Kissing Techniques | Kissing Tips

  • Published on:  11/29/2012
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    Kissing seems like one of those things you can't really practice at unless you have a viable partner in front of you, but you would be wrong, my darlings. All you need is a delicious cupcake and your own mouth.

    Let me tell you why. The cupcake frosting is very similar to the mouth of you potential kissing partner; that is, you want to respect the integrity of this cupcake's frosting, and not go at it with, like, a strong, awkward tongue. I'll show you what I mean.

    This is how you want to kiss someone. Gently and deliciously. How do you know if you're doing that? They way you know your tongue is in the right position is if you can say "La, la, la, la, la.." very gently. Not "LA, LA, LA, LA LA!" We're not trying out for some hideous Marky Mark cover band. "La, la, la, la, la." And that's the same sort of strength you should use when you make out with this cupcake. La, la, la.

    Now, you know that you're doing something wrong if when you kiss the cupcake, you're disrupting the entire icing segment. So, like, you're, like making this weird "z" in it, like... I mean, come on. Have some respect for the cupcake. Because this cupcake is a lot like your partner's mouth. They're not going to want like this hurricane force situation interrupting their situation. So go easy, go slow, and above all, appreciate the deliciousness that you're encountering.

    So good, cupcake, well, if that's the way you feel, oh yeah, you want to meet my parents? Okay. Oh my God, there's frosting in the middle. Frosting!

    Ladies, gentlemen, go find yourself a cupcake, but not this one. Cause this one, wants to be, wants to be.